Riddles and Rhymes (for the young and heartless)

Why did the witch walk across the road?
Because she didn't have a broomstick!

What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked!

What kinds of tests do they give witches ?

What is a witch's favorite school subject?

Why do witches wear name tags?
So they will know which witch is which!

Why can't the witches play baseball?
Because they've lost all their bats!

Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they get a better grip on their brooms!

Why are witches always grumpy?

How do you make a witch stew?
Keep her waiting for hours.

Which hand should a witch use to stir her witch's brew?
Neither, it's always best to use a spoon!

What did the witch put on her door for security?
A warlock!

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray!

What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.

What do you call a witches candle?
A wicked wick!

Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares.

What do witches want for lunch?
A sandwitch!

Why does a witch fly on a broom?
Because vacuums are too heavy!

How does a witch tell time?
With a witch watch!

What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
You hear the broom boom.

What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can't see anything?
A witch with her eyes closed.

What do you call two witches who live together?

What does a witch ask for when she checks into a motel?
Broom Service!

Why did the witch hold her nose?
Because she smelled a terrible ogre!

Why did the witches lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away!

Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes.

Why did the witch's mail rattle?
It was a chain letter!

What is the key ingredient to broom flying?
Witchful thinking!

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!

What do you call a witch suffering from poison ivy?
An itchy witchy!

What did the witch say to the other witch who need a ride?
There's always broom for one more!

What does a witch get from her hens?
Deviled Eggs!

How do regular folk fly on a broom?
By witchful thinking.

What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub?
A self-cleaning coven!

What goes "Oob, oob!"
A witch in reverse.

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on what you want to change it into!

What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
She flies off the handle.

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
None! If a candle was good enough for grandma witch,
it's good enough for me!

Why do witches think they're funny?
Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.


What kind of beans do vampires like for supper?
Human beans!

What did the baby vampire say to the mommy vampire at bedtime?
Turn on the dark, Mommy! I'm afraid of the light!

What is worse than a hungry vampire?
A thirsty vampire!

What is the largest structure in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building!

What does a vampire say when introduced to someone new?
Hello, pleased to eat you!

What does a vampire eat on his nachos?
Halloween'o peppers of course!

How do vampires get around town?
In a bloodmobile!

What position does a vampire play in the Little League?
Bat Boy!

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
Love at first byte!

Where does a vampire keep his money?
The blood bank!

What does a vampire fear the most?
Fang decay!

Why is the vampire not at his desk?
He's on a coffin break!

What kind of beer does a vampire on a diet drink?
Blood light!

Why couldn't the vampire's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

What kind of test does a vampire doctor give?
A blood test!

What is a vampire's favorite candy?
A sucker.

Why did the vampire have heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

What did the vampire in the audience say to the bat on the talk show?
Go batty! Go batty! Go batty!

What does a vampire say when he meets someone for the first time?
I'd like to get to gnaw you.

Why was the vampire arrested?
Because he robbed the blood bank!

What is the little vampire's favorite tune?
A tiskit, a taskit, a green and yellow casket!

What is a vampire's favorite feast day?

What did the stupid vampire have for lunch?
A stake sandwich!

What kind of dog does a vampire own?
A blood hound!

Where do vampire tourists in New York want to go first?
The Vampire State Building!

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine!

What do you call a vampire's stomping grounds?

What does a popular vampire have?
A Fang Club.

Why did the vampire use mouthwash?
He had bat breath!

What does a vampire call his date?
Ghoul friend!

If a snowman and a vampire had a baby what would they call him?
Frost Bite!

What does a vampire call his boat?
A blood vessel!

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?
A flying band-aid!

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break.

What is the best way to talk to a vampire?
Long distance!

What do you get when you cross a ten-foot vampire with a computer?
A ten-foot tall, know-it-all who's a real pain-in-the-neck!

How do you know a vampire is flirting?
They bat their eyelashes!

What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

What do get from a vampire's kiss?
A pain in the neck!

Which songs are on the vampire 'do not play' list?
You are my Sunshine & Sunshine on my Shoulder!

What time was the Vampire's dentist appointment?
Tooth-hurty (that's 2:30)

What oldies group is banned by all vampires?
KC and the Sunshine Band!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

Why do folks tippy-toe around a vampire?
He has a bat temper!

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.

Why did the vampire get a small coffin?
He wanted to sleep tight.

What happens when a vampire stays too long in his coffin?
He goes batty.

What kind of music do spooks listen to?
Rhythm & Boos!

What do you call a sleeping spook?
A Boo-tiful dreamer!

How do spooks start their computer?
The BOO-t it up!

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do you get when you goose a spook?
A handful of sheet!

What happens when a spook gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?

What did the spook master of ceremonies say?
Hello Boos and Ghouls!

What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.

Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.

What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick.

What do you call a spook's rock collection?
Tomb stones!

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo Boos!

What do you call a spook with a broken leg?
Hoblin' Goblin!

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

Where do baby spooks go during the day?
Dayscare centers!

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.

What do you call a bird who sings spooky songs?
A BOO bird!

Where do you find a really important spook?
In the BOO book or the BOO's Who!

What did the Mommy spook say to the baby spook?
Don't spook until your spooken to!

What tops off a spook's ice scream sundae?
Whipped Scream!

What game do little spooks play at a party?
Musical Graves!

What did the spook order for dessert?
Ice Scream!

What do you call a spook that haunts the hen house?
A poultry-geist!

What do you call the road where a spook lives?
Dead End!

Where does a spook go to get a haircut?
The BOO-ty Parlor!

What is the best search engine on the web for spooks?

How does a spook wash her hair?
With shamBOO!

What do spooks like to get on Halloween?
BOO-ble gum!

What game do little spooks like to play?

What do spooks roast over the bonfire?
Halloweeners! Monstermallows!

What do you call a spook who haunts the jungle and carries a machine gun?

What do you call a postcard from a spook?
A ghostcard!

What does a mummy ghost teach a bay ghost?
B00-ware of strangers!

What dance does a country spook do?
BOO-skootin' BOO-gie!

What do you call a spook who loves to dance?
The BOO-gie man!

Why can't the boy spook have babies?
Because he has a Hallo-weenie!

Where do spooks go for a swim?
The Dead Sea!

What does a spook call his favorite pet?
Scaredy Cat!

What did the spook say to his ghoul fiend on their date?
You look BOO-tiful tonight!

What does a spook keep in the stable?
A night mare!

What do call a spook who gets too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty!

What do spooks eat for breakfast?
Ghost Toasties!

Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store

What do little spooks wear on their feet?

What do spooks read in the morning?
The BOO Daily News!

How do little spooks sing the Oscar-Meyer song?
My BOO-loney has a first name!

When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.

What do you call a road haunted by ghosts?
A Dead End.

What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a French poodle and a spook?
A cocker-poodle-doo!

Why did the game warden arrest the spook?
He didn't have a haunting license!

What kind of hot cereal do spooks like?
Scream of Wheat!

Where do spooks buy their stamps?
At the Ghost Office!

What did the little spook say when he fell down?
I got a BOOoooooooooo BOOoooooooooooo!

What is a spook's favorite pie?

What is a spook's favorite desert?
BOO-berries & scream!

What magazine do grownup spooks hide under the mattress?
Play BOO!

What is the proper greeting when you meet a ghost?
How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
By scareplane.

What do teen age spooks wear?
BOO-jeans and Tennis-BOOS!

What do you call the ghost who is a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What does a well-dressed spook wear to a formal affair?
A BOO-tie and wails!

What game do little spooks like to play?

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.

What do spooks ride at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster!

Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.

What do ghosts eat for dinner?


What did the mummy say when he solved the missing cat case?
That about wraps things up!

What kind of music does the mummy band play?

What happens when a girl monster and a boy monster meet for the first time?
Love at first fright!

Where do most werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California.

What do monsters eat for breakfast?
Ghost meal!

What do monsters order at Mcdonald's?
A sandwitch and french flies!

What does a little monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deadie!

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.

What do little monsters like to drink?

What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.

How do mummies hide?
They wear masking tape.

Why were there screams coming from monster kitchen?
The spook-cook was beating the eggs.

Where do monsters go to water ski?
Lake Erie!

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.

Where does a monster quarterback throw the football?
Over the ghoul line!

What is a little monster's favorite snack?
Ghoul Scout Cookies!

Why did the doctor tell the monster to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet!

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

What directions did the ghost give the monster?
Make a fright turn at the corner.

What does a monster like for dessert?
Lady Fingers!

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
He needed a light snack!

What do you feed a monster for breakfast?
Rice Creepies!

Why did the monster eat the caboose?
The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."

What position does a monster play on the soccer team?

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.

What do you get when you cross a were wolf with a polyester suit?
A wash-and-were wolf!

What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet!

What did the cannibal do at the all-you-can-eat restaurant?
He had two waiters and a busboy.


What does a skeleton order to go?
Spare ribs!

What did the skeleton order at the soda fountain?
A glass of coke and a mop!

Why did the skeleton laugh at the other skeleton?
Because he had funny bones!

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body!

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
Bring me three beers and a mop!

Skeleton Dance 2009

Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!

What does the skeleton sing while he's riding his Harley?
Bone To Be Wild!

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with!

What instrument does a skeleton play?

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts.

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Too Much Hallowe'en Candy

How do you fix a jack o' lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a
jack 0' lantern by it's circumferance?
Punkin Pi!

What is the most requested song in the pumpkin patch?
Don't Cut Me Up!

What do you call a monster who poisons the corn flakes?
A cereal killer!

Why did the boy wear a diaper to the costume party?
He didn't want to be a party pooper!

Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.

What happens when a black cat eats a lemon?
He becomes a sour puss!

What is the one thing you cannot give the headless horseman?
A headache

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
Ghost cards.

What does a monster call his secretary?
His Ghoul Friday.

Why did the corpse stay home on Halloween?
He felt rotten.

What do you call a serious rock?
A Grave stone.

Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can battle Knights.

What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Five after one.

Who is the most famous monster shrink?
Dr. Sigmund Fiend

How do you tell if a house is haunted?
The windows shutter!

What's soft, moldy and flies?
A spoiled bat.

What do you call the architectural plan of a haunted house?
Boo prints!

What if you crossed a rabbit with a wolf?
You'd get a harewolf.

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula

Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.

What do birds give out on Halloween?

What did the mad scientist see in his frying pan?
An unidentified frying object!

What do little trees say on Halloween?
Twig or Tweat!

Why are there fences around cemetaries?
Because people are dying to get in!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse.

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed!

What is a cat's favorite color?

What is a cat's favorite song?
Three Blind Mice!

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse!

What animals are the best pets?
Cats, because they are purr-fect!

What did the cat have for breakfast?
Mice Crispies!

What are caterpillars afraid of?


Read slowly and carefully, one sentence after another - try to make some sense of it.

This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read only the third word of each sentence one after the other.

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